Proper 22 :: Genesis 2: 18-24; Psalm
26; Hebrews
1: 1 – 4, 2: 5-12; Mark
10: 2-16
This is a homily by Fr. Gene Tucker which was given
at St. John’s Church, Huntingdon,
Pennsylvania on Sunday, October 4, 2015.
“ONE
OF JESUS’ ‘HARD SAYINGS’”
(Homily texts:
Genesis 2: 18–24 & Mark 10: 2–16)
(I can’t resist saying - before we take a look at today’s appointed readings - that one of the blessings of having a cycle of such readings is that the lectionary cycle puts before our eyes and minds subjects that we might be tempted, otherwise, to bypass or ignore. Though no system of reading Holy Scripture is perfect, at least the system we use doesn’t allow a preacher to bypass unpopular or difficult subjects in favor of a list of favorite topics or passages that the preacher happens to likes.)
Now to the topic at hand…..Today’s “hard saying” has to do with marriage and the matter of divorce. On this subject, we hear Jesus say that, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery.” And just to be sure that both husbands and wives hear the message clearly, He applies that same teaching to not just husbands, but to wives, also.[1]
Because the permanence of marriage is so important, and because so many marriages today end in divorce,[2] it would be good for us to take a good, in-depth look at this subject. As we begin our consideration of this important topic, it would be well for this preacher to say that trying to be faithful to the mind of God in this matter is a daunting task. I pray that what is said and written here will be – in some small way – faithful to that mind. Most assuredly, what is offered here is not the final and authoritative word on the subject. What is heard and read this morning is the essence of my own struggle with the topic.
We begin our quest by considering the contemporary debates that were going on among the prominent rabbis of Jesus’ day, for the Pharisees, who come to test Jesus (as Mark tells us), have come to ask what position He would take on the debates which raged between three prominent rabbis in the first century.
The debates which circulated among the rabbis centered around a provision which is found in Deuteronomy 24: 1, which reads: “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her (italics mine), and her writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house….” (the provision goes on to address a subsequent marriage). The debates had to do with the meaning of the words “some indecency”.
Just what was “some indecency”?
The three positions taken were:
- Rabbi Shammai said that those words, “some indecency” referred to only the most serious sort of violation, such as unfaithfulness to the marriage vow.
- Rabbi Hillel said that a man could divorce his wife for many reasons, including something so trivial as spoiling the husband’s meal.
- Rabbi Aqiba said a man could divorce his wife simply because he had found someone else who was more attractive.
Instead of falling into the Pharisees’ trap, Jesus refocuses the entire debate, reminding them of God’s original intent for marriage, and quoting from Genesis 2: 24. Instead of looking for ways to get out of a marriage, instead of looking for loopholes to justify ending a marriage in order to begin another one, Jesus states the ideal for marriage, that it is a permanent relationship, established by God.
In the process, Jesus tells the Pharisees that Moses’ provision for divorce (as found in Deuteronomy) was a concession given to God’s people, because of the hardness of heart within.
The debates which took place between the rabbis and between Jesus and the Pharisees are just as important in our own time as they were 2,000 years ago, for the sad reality is that many marriages end in divorce today. For Christians, who are disciples of Jesus, the challenge is to uphold the Lord’s teaching about the permanence of marriage. At the same time, we have to grapple with the reality that, these days, there is no shortage of the “hardness of heart” that Jesus describes as being the reason for the Mosaic concession which allowed divorce to take place.
Even though, in Jesus’ time, a mature understanding of marriage as a Sacrament (or a sacramental act) had not emerged, marriage practices in Jesus’ day, and within the Church in subsequent times, share some common elements that can shed some light on the validity of a marriage. In summary, marriage, along with all of the Sacraments, must contain three basic elements in order to be valid:
- The right form
- The right minister(s)
- The right intent
In marriage, in biblical times and within the Church, each of these elements must be present. Let’s look at the practices then and now:
- Form: Marriage is essentially a contract between the two parties. In biblical times, the marriage was arranged, usually between the woman’s father and the prospective groom (and perhaps the groom’s father). Then, a ceremony takes place which is witnessed by family and friends, in which the two persons covenant with one another to enter into the marriage. In contemporary practice, the same thing takes place, with the wife and husband covenanting with one another to take the other as spouse.
- Minister(s): The ministers in marriage, in biblical times, were the two persons who were marrying one another. Even though the marriage was an arranged one, yet the reality remains that the persons who effect the marriage were the husband and wife. This remains true today, and it is one of the more prominent misconceptions that the priest or pastor is the one who effects the marriage. No, the reality is that the two persons who enter into the marriage are the ones who bring the marital relationship into being.[3] The priest officiates at the wedding, essentially as an agent of the state, and pronounces God’s blessing on the marriage, nothing more. So, in the case of matrimony, the ministers who bring the Sacrament of their own marriage into being are the two persons themselves.
- Intent: Each of the parties must have entered into the marriage without impediment. In biblical times, where the bride was concerned, this was of lesser importance, because – in that society – it was a deeply patriarchal society in which the father of the bride and the groom and his family had much more control in bringing the marriage about. However, it seems reasonable to say that – in those times - a father of a prospective bride would have consulted with his daughter about her wishes concerning the possibility of being married to the prospective groom. Today, however, the two persons must be able to enter into the marriage of their own free will, and there must not be anything that would hinder or block their ability to freely do so.[4]
Now, let’s return to Jesus’ ideal, which is that marriage becomes a permanent bond between the husband and the wife, a bond which cannot be severed by human agency, a bond which can be severed only by the death of one of the partners.
In a perfect world, every marriage would last for a lifetime.
But we all know we don’t live in a perfect world. If we return to the sacramental understanding of marriage, just described, we can see some of the reasons for the failures of marriages:
- The ministers who bring the marriage into being: If it takes two to make a marriage, it only takes one to destroy a marriage: One of the parties decides that they cannot/will not live up to their part of the contract. They decide not to honor the vows they made. Sometimes, being unable to live up to those vows stems from very valid reasons. We’ll say more about that in a moment.
- Improper intent: Can undermine the validity of the marriage: Perhaps one party was marrying for the wrong reasons. Perhaps one party (or both) was/were marrying without the capacity to understand in a mature way just what it was they were doing in marrying the other person. Perhaps one of the parties married in order for personal gain of some sort.
The Church, from earliest times, has struggled with the need to maintain the ideal that Jesus lays out for marriage, and yet to be pastorally sensitive to the need to recognize that, in some cases, it is permissible for a marriage to end. In such cases, the Church understands that a person who has encountered the traumatic nature of divorce should be free to remarry. Certainly, it is true that in biblical times, the right of a divorced person to remarry was understood.
The thrust of Jesus’ “hard saying” seems to be to refocus the debates of His day (and ours) away from trying to find ways to get out of a marriage, toward a focus and an intention to make marriages work.
So what about the matter of divorce? What about a divorced person’s ability to marry again?
Biblical teaching seems to reflect a struggle with the reality that divorce might remain a necessity in some cases. Jesus’ own teaching on the matter of marriage and divorce seems to reflect variations: For example, in Matthew 5: 32, Jesus allows divorce to take place on the grounds of “unchastity” in the marital partner.[5] Writing to the early Christians in Corinth, St. Paul seems to allow for divorce and remarriage in the case of a Christian believer who is married to a non-Christian.[6] In such cases, Paul seems to summarize his comments by saying, “It is to peace that God has called you.”[7]
As we said a moment ago, the Church has recognized that, in some cases, divorce is a tragic necessity. Grounds for ending a marriage can vary. Sometimes, a person’s own safety and wellbeing demand the ending of a marriage. Such a case exists when there is some sort of abuse present in the relationship. No one can deny that a battered spouse has the right to get out of an abusive relationship where their individual safety is threatened.
Perhaps Jesus’ point is that we ought to do all that we can to strengthen marriages and to uphold those within marriage. That seems to be the point of the question which is asked at a wedding of all those who are present to witness the ceremony. The Officiant asks those present this question: “Will all of you witnessing these promises do all in your power to uphold these two persons in their marriage?”[8]
None of us should take the matter of divorce lightly. Whenever a divorce takes place, there is often a heavy emotional toll on those involved, including not only the two spouses, but also children and family members, and friends of the spouses. Certainly, none of us ought to cheer when a divorce takes place, and Jesus’ teaching about the intention of married persons to enter into a lifelong relationship should be taken seriously. I think we can be very clear about one aspect of the Lord’s teaching that is before us this day: No one should seek to get rid of a spouse in order to find a new one.
Perhaps no teaching our Lord gave us causes as much concern as the one before us today. The Lord’s “hard saying” about marriage and divorce should strengthen our commitment to marriage, and it should make us resolve to establish lifelong marriage relationships, insomuch as we sinful human beings are able to do so. Should divorce become an inevitability, people of faith should surround and uphold both parties to the divorce. Persons who have suffered through a divorce can begin their lives anew, appreciating with greater depth the importance of working to establish and maintain healthy marital relationships.
AMEN.
[1] Under Jewish law, only a man could initiate
a divorce. However, Greco-Roman law
provided that a woman could initiate divorce proceedings. Jesus’ statement encompasses both Jewish and
Greco-Roman practices.
[2] About half of all marriages end in divorce
in our society. The rates of divorce are
about the same between Christians and others.
[3] This reality is borne out by the words of
the marriage liturgy: The officiating
minister says, “Now that _____ and _____ have
given themselves to each other by
solemn vows (italics mine), with the joining of hands and the giving and
receiving of a ring, I pronounce that they are husband and wife, in the Name of
the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”
[4] Hindrances might take the form of many
things: Being unable to understand and
make a rational decision to marry; being
under duress in some way to enter into the marriage, currently being in another
marriage, etc. It is for these reasons
that the Officiant is bound, within the marriage rite, to ask: “I require and
charge you both, here in the presence of God, that if either of you know any
reason who you may not be united in marriage lawfully, and in accordance with
God’s Word, you do now confess it.” Similarly, the Officiant is also bound to
ask if anyone who is witnessing the ceremony knows of any reason why the two
persons cannot be married, that they make those reasons known.
[5] In this teaching, Jesus seems to take the
position taken by Rabbi Shammai. This
teaching is repeated in Matthew 19: 9.
[6] See I Corinthians 7: 10 – 11.
[7] I Corinthians 7: 15b
[8] Book of Common Prayer, 1979, page 425
